Practice makes perfect, But nobody’s perfect, so why practice?

I hate people that starts tweets with “I hate people that.”

I believe in love and marriage but not necessarily with the same person.

Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I’ve been doing since 15. ;-)

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

Facebook’s next update, allowing you to check other people’s private messages.

There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few can catch your heart.

If you don’t have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.

Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

I don’t care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.

Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

Once you begin being naughty, it is easier to go and on and on, and sooner or later something dreadful happens.

Some people say the glass is half empty. Others say it’s half full. I’m just happy to have a glass!