I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.

A blanket could be used as a tablecloth, and a brick left as a tip.


A brick could be placed down on the first step on the path to enlightenment.

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.

A blanket could be used as wrapping paper, to give the gift of a cat.


A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.


I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.

A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.


A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!


I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.


A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.


A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

A brick could be used as a laxative. You know, “Shit a brick.”


I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.