Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.


A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.


One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.


A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.


A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current girlfriend and my new best guy friend.


A blanket could be used like the Romans used Greek gods. Still, if you want my honest opinion, I’d rather pray to cheddar cheese than to Zeus. 


A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future generations to die, I’d recommend shivering in your bare bed.


A brick could be used to remind me of you. Of course, so could a photograph, but how am I supposed to lob a photo through your car’s windshield?


A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to give up and let the issue, and your body, rest.


A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if she uses it to build a life with you, or as a high velocity projectile.


I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang, that’s why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so when I leave a room I clap them together.

Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.


A blanket could be used to cover up my leftover meatloaf. But I’m not interested in covering things up. Who do you think I am, the US Government?


A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s healthier than Gatorade.


A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.