A brick could be used to double back, donkey levitate cough meow cough meow hiss on giraffe shaft stroke a local bloke bludgeon Armageddon—not my arm, Sorry, I think I just had a stroke.


A brick could be used as a boat, and due to the brick’s reputation of indestructibility, we could call the boat “The Titanic.” Surely a brick with that name would never sink.


A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole milk.


A brick could be dropped in a toilet to replicate the sound of shitting bricks. But we wouldn’t have to go through all that trouble if you’d just eat the bricks I put on your plate.


A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.


A brick could be used to balance work and play. Just place the brick on the top of your head, and don’t let it drop. This will ensure you don’t play too hard—or work too hard.


A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

A brick could be used to replace the dollar as the world’s reserve currency. Don’t laugh, because at least the brick is real and useful, unlike the dollar, which is fake and useless.


A brick could be used in place of B. Rick, who is sorry he couldn’t make it to this sentence. But he assured me if this thought has a third sentence, he’ll definitely show up for it. 


A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite) politician. Let them know your approval level by giving them the gift that says both Thank You—and Fuck You.


Bricks are independent but can work well with other, tough to crack, fiercely loyal and put in the right spot will hold anything and everything that you’ve ever held dear with the greatest of ease.

A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to get to your key, especially if you hide it under the first brick the mason’s lay when constructing your house. 


A brick could be affixed to the collar of my shirt, because I’ve already got the weight of the world on my shoulders, so what’s the problem with a little new construction to go on top?


A brick could be used to suppress certain groups of people, particularly those individuals who are too weak to stand up and say Hey, somebody get this brick off of me—it’s crushing me!


A blanket could be used to conceal. That’s why I recommend the current cast of political bedfellows running this country use one to make good on their “transparent” administration.