A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm, right?


A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.


A brick could create a clear winner in a fight if instead of fighting pillows against blankets, you fought bricks against blankets.

I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish my blanket wasn’t so rigid and crumbly.


Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.


A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger. 


A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall. 


A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.


A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because I’m shivering.


A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand?


A blanket, as the epitome of warmth, could be used to stop colds. Also, sex with me might be the surest way to prevent a cold.


A blanket could make a good hood on a car, because it’s flat and warm and I don’t currently have a hood. Or a car.


A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.


A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.


A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.