A brick is what I’m voting for for President. And guess what? If you’re voting for a Republican or Democrat, so are you.


A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you can even make love to it.


A brick could be used to describe somebody hard and inflexible, and a blanket could be used to describe somebody warm and easygoing.


A brick could be used as a door handle. On an all-brick house this would be great, but on an all-brick car it’d be even better.


A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.


A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my shoe as a soup bowl?


A brick could be used to replace a flat tire. After all, you want to replace like with like, and what’s more flat than a brick?


A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. 


You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!

A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!


A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all over the carpet. 


People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz


If you come by my place, you might see a wheelbarrow full of broken bricks. I broke them with my fist. I was practicing for your face.


A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.


A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm up first.