A brick could be used as a headstone. Or the instrument that proves “until death do us part” is faster and cheaper than a divorce.


A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. 
Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.


A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.


A blanket could be used to sell ice cream to streakers. Well, it could, if those naked runners didn’t leave their wallets in their pants.


A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t looking before you make the switch. 


A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before I got divorced.


A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.


A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they normally serve.


A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.


A hotel is more than bricks and blankets. A hotel is a welcoming atmosphere, and a place to engage in a business transaction with a prostitute. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar. And I don’t drink, so I wasn’t around to hear the interaction between them and the bartender.


Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.


A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they not be used in this manner?


A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.


A brick could be used to trick a snake into leaving your pet mouse alone. That way you’re free to use the mouse as you want to, you pervert.