A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.


A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I believe in social progress.


A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the country up again after everything is destroyed.


A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.


I could inject a brick in each of my butt cheeks and then be like ancient Greece: a ruin. Only, I’d ask my gay dance partner, “R u in?”


A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over your head, blocking your eyes from the sun in the sky, and voila! Nighttime. 


A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part of secretive don’t you understand?


A brick could be inserted in your chest in place of your heart. And for just a couple thousand dollars more, an artificial heart could replace the brick.


A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this economic depression, so anything to help warm things up would be most welcomed. 


A brick could be used to cook with, as a thickening agent in gravy. But as history proves, the thickest agents work for the government as tax collectors. 


A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is why I must suffocate my desire. 


A brick could be duct taped in front of your eyes, like a blindfold, so you can have that feeling of hitting your head against a brick wall all the time. 


A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out like a cheap motel room to a midget.


Blankets could be used to identify liars and thieves, if lawmakers passed laws stating that lawmakers were required by law to wear blankets out in public.


Used is to sued, as brick is to Kricb, and that is such a profound observation on my part that I’m afraid I don’t fully grasp it at the moment.