A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making pride and applause at the same time.


A brick could be used to tell the world’s largest Yes what you really want to tell it, which is no. Tell that Yes no now, and use a brick to help you do it.


A blanket could be folded up and kept in the trunk of my car, in much the same way that I do with the Chinese gymnastics team before I chauffer them around town. 


A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if you’re going to play quarterback, you’d better be ready to play receiver.


A haunted house could be used like a Band-Aid to stop a bleeding brick. But why stop the bleeding? Stab it a few more times and then sell tickets to the spectacle.


A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.


A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the corner, he won’t feel so stupid and will know where to go.


A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so long as people can tell it’s a snake. 


A brick could be used as a substitute for the steak my mother-in-law just cooked me. And I asked for medium rare. I wonder what well done would taste and chew like.


Issues need to be addressed. So do boxes of bricks that need to be mailed. Make the shipping label out to Kat Nelb, 2332 Blanket Anagram Way, Jacksonville, Fl 3223.


A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you start licking, or else you’ll drip brick all over my blanket.


A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad dreams? I’ll bet your mom gave them to Good Will.


A blanket could be used to represent my feelings for you. I think it’s slightly more communicative than me giving you a scrap of paper with a doodle of an erect penis.

A brick could be used to remind you. I would remind you of what you need to be reminded about, but that’s not my role—that’s the brick’s place.


A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help the car fall asleep when it was spending its idle time idling.