A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall separating man from a sub four-minute mile. Damn you, Roger Bannister!


A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.


A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.


A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping. 



A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.


A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.


A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.


Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them off to search for Atlantis.


A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.


A brick could be used as a mule. Sure, you could argue it’d be better used as a donkey, but I’d counter that with some jackass comment.


A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.


Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.


A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current girlfriend and my new best guy friend.


One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.


A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.