A blanket could keep a family of three warm for a lifetime, but global warming could do the same for the world forever. 


A brick could be used to motivate. Just hold it up as an example of something that’s going nowhere in life.



A brick could be used to stop a murder. Just wedge it in front of the door of the murderer, and enclose him in his room.


A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?


A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is not a dream.


A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!

A blanket could be used at the end of meetings, to wrap things up—sort of like a big office burrito of productivity.


A brick could be used as disbelief. I can tell you believe me, so why don’t you go ahead and hold this brick for me.


A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never calls me. 


A brick could be used to locate the precise coordinates of the Masons. Just follow the bricks—and follow the money. 


A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to help build their future.


A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man.


A brick could create a clear winner in a fight if instead of fighting pillows against blankets, you fought bricks against blankets.

I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish my blanket wasn’t so rigid and crumbly.


Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.