A brick could be used as a Blushometer. To find out how embarrassed you are, just measure you blushing cheeks against the rouge of a brick. 


A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But what if that bleeding is figurative? In that case, I’d recommend a virtual Band-Aid.


A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch. 


A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do. 


A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t looking before you make the switch. 


A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.


A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. 
Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.


A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.


Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.


A hotel is more than bricks and blankets. A hotel is a welcoming atmosphere, and a place to engage in a business transaction with a prostitute. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar. And I don’t drink, so I wasn’t around to hear the interaction between them and the bartender.


A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they not be used in this manner?


A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.


A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall separating man from a sub four-minute mile. Damn you, Roger Bannister!


A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.