A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.


A brick could be used as a mule. Sure, you could argue it’d be better used as a donkey, but I’d counter that with some jackass comment.


A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.


Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them off to search for Atlantis.


A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.


Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.


One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.


A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.


A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current girlfriend and my new best guy friend.


A blanket could be used like the Romans used Greek gods. Still, if you want my honest opinion, I’d rather pray to cheddar cheese than to Zeus. 


A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to give up and let the issue, and your body, rest.


A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if she uses it to build a life with you, or as a high velocity projectile.


A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future generations to die, I’d recommend shivering in your bare bed.


A brick could be used to remind me of you. Of course, so could a photograph, but how am I supposed to lob a photo through your car’s windshield?


I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang, that’s why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so when I leave a room I clap them together.