Sometimes I kick my cat. But I’m asleep, and he sleeps at the foot of my bed. It’s not like I kick it intentionally, like it was a politician.

I smell like cat snuggles and sex, though from two different activities. I have just perfected my meatloaf-flavored ice cream, if you want to grab a spork.

The mouse that makes jest of a cat has already seen a hole nearby... We don't fear the devil because we are leaning on the resurrection power of Christ!

Oh, yes, that feels so good," I moaned, and instead of punching Ian, pulled him closer.Breath tickled my neck as he laughed. "I know. I'm truly gifted.

Have you met my boyfriend?”There. That was a doozy. His eyes narrowed, and his lips thinned into a tight line. Yep, Noah was a mood kill for both of us.

If it's about the strength, every big animal can catch any mouse... but the skillful brand of the cat makes it's catch exceptional! Go, get the skills!

There wasn't a human being for several kilometers around, not a news-stand, not a shop, not a café, not a school. Not a cat, not a skinhead. Nothing.

Church was doing what he often did when dropped - lying on his back with all four legs in the air, pretending to be dead in order to induce guilt in his owners.

I’ll stand by you. And by stand I mean cower in your shadow. It’s probably cold there, so I’m going to knit myself a warm cat sweater to wear.

You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when Icalled her that! My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine!

Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the machine accepts hugs.


A library after closing is a lonely place. It is heart-poundingly silent, and the rows of shelves create an almost unfathomable number of dark and creepy corners.

I love you, Kitten.Don't try to get out of this. We'll see if you love me when I pay you back.Even then I will love you, Bones called out as I stomped away.

Well, for instance, why does everything always have to be written from the point of view of a human being? Why not write from the point of view of a cat? Or a tree?

It was probably my mother's screaming that frightened the cat. It's just a guess. No one knows for sure why a cat fell from a ten-storey building onto my head.