Love is seeing her smile as if it’s a sunrise. It’s beautiful, but geez, I wish she’d quit grinning at me while I’m trying to sleep.

If a snake was covered in musical scales, rather than nonsensical fur, then I’d like to pet it with my ears while I sleep for just a few more minutes.

I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle, but the best day of yours was when you taught someone else.

I was half asleep when I first saw her. She thought I was being flirty and winking at her. One eye open, one eye shut, that’s the best way to see love.

There’s sleep to be found here, and I’m going to find it—with my eyes closed. I’m like Sherlock Holmes meets Helen Keller. #Networking

Some people sleep their lives away. But I also want to sleep death away. If I sleep long enough, maybe death will think I’m already dead and pass me by.

We need more upright citizens in this country. Everybody is just lying down as if asleep to the issues. And those who are up and moving are merely sleepwalking.

When I’m not eating, sleeping, working, or doing a hundred other things, I’m making love. I need to arrange my priorities. Sleeping should be first.

When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead. 


After all, in fairy tales, there was only one thing to do. In every story with a long sleep and a waking in it. An easy thing, a pretty thing. Standard currency.

Despite being tired, I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes having a functioning penis can be a real drag (especially if it always dangles along the ground as I walk).

I have just been elected Captain of the Nap Squad. It's a very exhausting position, and requires training twice a day, once when I get up and once before bed.

Could the two people who are making out please be quiet?" the Colonel asked loudly from his sleeping bag. "Those of us who are not making out are drunk and tired.

The best day of the week to fall in love is always today. Today will happen again tomorrow, so I’m comfortable sleeping alone for the next 24 hours straight.

Among the many factors that differentiate successful people from consistent failures one is paramount; when failures were sleeping, successful people where thinking!