Lilith opened the shutters and allowed herself to bathe in the bright moonlight, as it shone across the Highland Glen.

Elizabeth served herself to Vlad upon the Lazy Susan (Susan wasn’t lazy. She was actually dead." — Bats 2015

I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.

Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.

If it was appropriate to judge a person based on her footwear - and it obviously was - I decided I liked her immediately.

...I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.

I dunno. Zombies are kinda cool," Jonathan said. "They just don't give a dusty fart about anything." — Bats 2015

A father’s only dream is to hear his daughter ask to kill some zombies. Go for it, sweetie. Make this old man proud.

Jennifer where are you going, dear? Dinner will be ready in a minute. Your brothers found a few unattended five year olds.

Oh hell no,” he exclaimed, shaking his head. “I’m not playing Buffy the goddamn Vampire Slayer with you.

We won’t be able to sleep without the sound of her self-loathing orgasms crying out into the night." —Bats 2015

...how crazy things have to get before I ended up drooling all over a strait jacket with my name on it at Happyville Manor.

The calmness was fracturing, tendrils of fear seeping through her mind like ivy. Once the fear consumed her, she'd run.

Holly rubs her temples. “Are we talking ... vampires?”Arkady groans. “On, the V-word! Here it comes again.

She is so tiresome. ‘Am I a vampire, am I a wolf, am I a vampire, am I a wolf, I cannot decide, so I’ll be both!