Dude, you know I'm not getting paid for this shit, which is probably against the law. Child labor going on right here in the heartland of America!-Dan Garrett

At least it's working out because Cheddar is sort of obsessed with me, or at least very interested, which in the world of felines counts as obsessive behavior.

You know, I can’t wait for her to gets married because hell is made of fire and she said it would be frozen before she gots married again.” ~ Anna Kate

She stops chewing and brings the chains on her wrist up to her nose and sniffs. She pulls away with a mild disgusted expression. "Definitely smells like a skank...

I told her, “I admire your mustache madam, but I wonder, what’s for dessert?” Knowing her and knowing me, she probably thought I meant I love you.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect.

I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?

Britain and America couldn't agree on shoe sizing, dress sizing, weight, distance or temperature measurements, but on the scale of breasts, we were of one voice.

I never said nothing...""I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

And now leave me in peace for a bit! I don't want to answer a string of questions while I am eating. I want to think!""Good Heavens!" said Pippin. "At breakfast?

I glance down, and my eyes get big."What?" He glances down, realizes why my eyes are big, and shrugs his shoulders. "It's morning.""It's cute. Can I keep it?

By the Angel, this place is barely better than a penny gaff,” Gideon said. “Gabriel, don’t look at anything unless I tell you it’s all right.

Not nearly as incredible as hearing you scream when you came. Good thing you took Cassie home. She might think I was killing you in here.""Oh, but what a way to go.

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.