A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt.


A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. 


A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.


The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.

I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.

A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. 


We made love like steam meets mist. My memory is foggy, but I know I inhaled her essence like smoke.

A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out.


A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.


A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.


I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer.

A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.


I won’t die for my love—but I will live for her, which is much harder and more impactful.

A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.


Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!