A brick could replace your window, if your window’s opaque, and you throw the brick hard enough.


I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them. 


A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey.


I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time.

When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, “No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.

A brick could be used to sway the voters. But if you really want to sway them, try using a catchy song.


A blanket could be used to mimic the mating call of my crumpled-up clone. Isn’t silence seductive?


Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.


A brick could be tied to a cape, and then exalted as a superhero. Is that any more absurd than Superman?


A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead. 


A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission.

Every sex noise can be converted into a note and frozen in a can of soda. Ask me about menstruation music today!

A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.


A blanket could be used to water down the water. Don’t do it now! Wait until I am finished bathing.