A blanket could be twirled in the air, like a new idea in your mind, and then either discarded or folded up like a wearable memory.


A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you can even make love to it.


A brick could be used to describe somebody hard and inflexible, and a blanket could be used to describe somebody warm and easygoing.


I enjoy poetry where I can talk as bizarre as I please, but theology or philosophy, I always respect the truth by taking it a step further.

I can hardly be expected to think like Santa. I get three times the letters, I poop burritos, and my penis is two reindeers more plentiful.

A sex trophy should be functional, and shaped like a dildo, yet decorative, and shaped like Ben Bernanke. Insert it in your ass as desired.

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!


A brick is what I’m voting for for President. And guess what? If you’re voting for a Republican or Democrat, so are you.


A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. 


A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my shoe as a soup bowl?


A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.


A brick could be used to replace a flat tire. After all, you want to replace like with like, and what’s more flat than a brick?


If you come by my place, you might see a wheelbarrow full of broken bricks. I broke them with my fist. I was practicing for your face.


People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz


I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.