A brick could be used to grow your annual income by a factor of four. What, you don’t believe me? Are you calling me a liar?


A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to smother a lover while they sleep.


A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate? 


A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!


A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the construction industry. 


A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it it’s nighttime. 


A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking.


The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert.

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?

A brick could be used to float a good idea at work—especially if it’s a good idea that would be bad for you personally.


A blanket could be used, or it could not be used. They are opposites, but that doesn’t mean one is good and the other is bad.


A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I say go, Don’t!


A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean. 


A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything.


A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.