A blanket could be used as a tablecloth, to cover up illicit brick deals done under the table.


A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.


A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to form high heels.


A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.


A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.


A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching?


A blanket could be used as a cat. Wait, I have that backwards. A cat could be used as a blanket.


A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. 


A blanket could be used like a friend, if you’re the sort of person who uses their friends.


A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face. 


What is the greatest mystery of the universe? The answer is brick. Or is it blanket? I forget which one.

Lay on me, and let my heat escape up to you, while you’ll act as my insulation and blanket.


A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too.


A brick is a polarizing object. Especially if you find it at either the North or the South Pole. 


A brick and blanket could be used to turn my words around like backwards high heels on my tongue
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