A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too.


A brick is a polarizing object. Especially if you find it at either the North or the South Pole. 


Lay on me, and let my heat escape up to you, while you’ll act as my insulation and blanket.


A blanket could be used like a friend, if you’re the sort of person who uses their friends.


A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. 


A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face. 


A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every little bit helps. 


One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.


A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.


A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it.


A brick is a fraction of a building, and a brick is like a building—if you're like an ant.


A blanket could be used as an inherently destructive force, if you can just get past the brick stage.


A brick could be used as an idol you can worship. But be careful, lest God smite thee with His wrath.


A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.


A brick could be used to raise my spirits. I’m feeling low right now, low by about three inches.