One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you vomit is the diarrhea.

Getting shot was an experience that Elise ranked on the “unpleasantness” scale right around “trying to survive a week without coffee.

Coffee is the only brown liquid I’d drink out of a toilet. Well, almost the only one, as I’d drink number two for the number one in my life.

I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness.

I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy.

The best thing about being a writer is that 'work' is always something you love, plus usually accompanied by tea, coffee and cakes of some sort.

I am Calumny Spinks.Between me and the satin blue sky hangs the hempen noose.It has swung there in the faintest of breezes, waiting for me, all my life.

The relationship between a perfect cup of coffee and a writer is just like the couple who always standby and feel proud of being committed to each other.

I sipped my own coffee, heavy on the sugar and cream, trying to make up for the late work the night before. Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.

I once said hello to a pack of goodbyes, but they were asleep to my coffee offering. They were running towards love, which is always running away from me.

I think now is the best time to be in love. No other time in history is more perfect than right now. Especially since I’m currently drinking coffee.

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.

Morning coffee is my preferred method of starting my evening. I make love all the time half the time. That half is night. Wake me up when it’s ready.

Drinking coffee is like chugging a galloping racehorse, and that’s why I’m wearing this baby carrier on my back—to hold the jockey.


Denn eine Sache ist, daß der Kaffee gut ist, eine andere, daß man sich das nicht ohne weiteres als selbstverständlich anmerken lassen darf.