Are all men's lips as soft as yours, Ari?" Bathymaas"I suppose, goddess. But I don't make it a habit to feel the lips of other men so I don't know for certain." Aricles

Wisdom of the Ages "The Marshawn" US Army's new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

The thought of my mother talking to me about sex makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork, gouge even deeper and scramble my brains to prevent the conversation from ever happening.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Boxing Day" In the UK, the day after Christmas is named after the first activity that takes place between husband and wife after the Christmas receipts are added up.

You should see the murderous stares I get on the street. Though I think that has less to do with seeing a man carrying a purse and more to do with paisley. Paisley makes everyone cranky.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Nativity" The Son of God was born in a manger-not surprising, have you seen the prices of hotel rooms in Bethlehem? Oy Vay! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah Peace!

Lucian. She's not normal. She's got the sex drive of Ursula. I'm so ashamed to say I've faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor's excuse! ~Steve~

Are you okay?" Kelly cried."I shot dinner," Nick said.Kelly snorted. "Look, Hannibal, you can shoot back if they 're shooting at you, but it's still not okay to eat them afterward.

It's all right, darling. I'll finish the financial report on my own. I can think clearly before sex and stay awake afterwards. That's one of the nice things about being a woman.

Ha!: He laughed. "Almost all of them as a kid, but most recently it was my nose...for the seventh time. And I've had two concussions, three broken fingers, and a partridge in a pear tree.

- You gave me a dead frog for my birthday!- To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found it thoughtful.

Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year" For a kid, the ultimate source of confusion. They say it's a new year, but after the break, you realize you are still in the same class, with the same lousy people.

We are grateful for a happy marriage and a glorious future. Four years of a happy marriage! Happy Anniversary my dearest husband, Jeremiah Nii Mama Akita! I love you with all my heart, soul and body.

I’d like to THANK whoever saw a bunch of cherries and thought....HEY!! If I dry out a bunch of those berry seeds, call them “BEANS”, smash them and add hot water, it will be AWESOME!