All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.

Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink.

I gave you three proofs of witchcraft. A cat that drinks blood! A horse that talks! And a man who propagates POODLES!

This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations reduced by half.

The ones who constantly make us laugh are the hardest of friends to know - for comedians are the caricatures among us.

I don't do 'black music,' I don't do 'white music'...I make fight music, for high school kids.

To be self-contented is to be vile and ignorant, ans that to aspire is better than to be blindly and impoitently happy.

Trying to be offensive for the sole purpose of being offensive should always deem one the least offensive of offenders.

Oh, I don’t mean to infer that you’re not a great guy. I’m sure you’re the exception to the rule.

Ken steepled his fingers and gazed thoughtfully up at the ceiling. 'Dwarves have done very well for us in primetime.

Everything was fine, would continue to be fine, would eventually get even better as long as the supermarket did not slip.

The misnomer is that satirists are pessimists, or even misanthropes, but usually it is just a way to unlock human potential.

...they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve, and if you do, you never get the results you expected.

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me can't understand it.

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!