A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.


A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.


A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping. 



She was a stranger, but not just any stranger. She was "the stranger". And of course, that was the difference that made everyone's emotions stranger.

Bees are strange. Pick them up with your genitals. If you want to succeed, you need to go where no man is willing to go, like the women’s restroom.

I feel a strange sensation brewing inside of me. It tickles my throat and forces my lips into a grin. Before I can stifle it, I giggle. And then I laugh.

A brick could be used to trick a snake into leaving your pet mouse alone. That way you’re free to use the mouse as you want to, you pervert.


A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.


I drink trees, and I pee beavers. I know, you must imagine that I’m an exceptional lover. And I am! (I’m imagined, not an exceptional lover).

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.


A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.


Don’t keep me in the dark—let me take off my honorary Helen Keller blindfold and let’s make love like we have no senses except nonsense.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and do you know where it gets its energy from? From a generator I have hooked up to a stationary bicycle.

A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.


A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.