A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm, right?


A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.


Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.


I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish my blanket wasn’t so rigid and crumbly.


A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger. 


A brick could be dropped on your mother-in-law’s head from the height of 66.6 feet. You know, as a going away present. 


A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.


A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because I’m shivering.


A blanket, as the epitome of warmth, could be used to stop colds. Also, sex with me might be the surest way to prevent a cold.


A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand?


A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.


A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.


If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a better fire fighter than I’m not right now.

A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall. 


A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.