I tell people, "Yeah, I went to Harvard University." What I don't tell them is I was only there for five minutes delivering a pizza.

I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead.

When you encounter unexpected situation, don’t panic. Close our eyes, take a deep breath and pray. It will relief you of any anxiety.

Eventually the real world intruded again, and Sophie had to return to campus—woefully behind on homework, but incandescently in love.

Sometimes people graduate but they don't leave. They hang around for years, for no reason. I would think of ghosts like that, I decided.

College is a different scene than it was ten years ago. It used to be all about sex and drugs. Now it’s all about texting and fast food.

Boy needs to get a good night's sleep. Otherwise, he'll be lucky to get accepted at SUNY-So Far Upstate You Might As Well Be In Canada, eh?

Love is like 17 cents minus 33,333.50 dollars. No wait, that's not love—that’s how much debt I owe for a worthless college degree.


There are three types of student: The golden student pays and loans, the silver student pays but does not learn, the bronze student learns but does not pay.

To most people, if you’re muttering, you might as well be speaking a foreign language. I should know, because in college I took two years of muttering.

One cannot get rid of a good education, nor, unfortunately, of a bad one, which often is such because one has not wanted to defray the expenses of a good one.

Months are different in college, especially freshman year. Too much happens. Every freshman month equals six regular months—they're like dog months.

If you see yourself as other people see you, it means you are lost, you don't know yourself and you have closed down a world class university of diligence!

Like my grandpa, who dropped out of school to farm, I have a 4th grade education. Of course, I have a college degree, too. Both require the same reading level.

The college diploma has no more power to hold the knowledge you have gained in college than a piece of tissue paper over a gas jet can hold the gas in the pipe.