I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating.

I want her when she doesn’t want me, and I don’t want her when she wants me. Now that’s love in the 21st century!

With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?

I welcome all You’re Welcomes with open arms and open zippers. My love for her is sandwiched between two slices of Thank You.

I love favors, because a favor is, instead of me doing something or paying you anything, why don’t you do it for me for free?

The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.

If you try to buy my body, I’ll sell you my shadow. My shadow would make a great day laborer, because it’s solar powered.

Through my quick action, I was able to capture her mannerism and store it in a jar. It looks like mayonnaise, but it tastes like love.

My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.

Empty pockets full of empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I have for her. My heart burns with desire. My mouth also burns.

I’m not saying I’m not saying. I’m also not saying I’m in love, and I’m not not saying I’m in love.

The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the next day, when he returned home.


We were just kids, what did we know about love? I knew I loved her, and she knew she didn’t love me. Turns out we were both wrong.

You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price.

Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.