A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you can bet an earthquake occurred.


A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times.


Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.


A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants


I often confuse fog and mist. But one is not the other any more than either are either. Let this be a lesson in love.

There’s lots of love in Ocala. Must be something in the water. That’s probably why I have to pee so much.

Love is a four-letter word. So is glue, only it isn’t as sticky. And I must admit, I still eat it all the time.

The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law.

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door policy, I had all the walls knocked down.

A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall?


A blanket could represent change, and a brick represents consistency. Do you embrace the blanket, or the brick?


With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit. 


It is very strange that the years teach us patience - that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.