If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.


A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he come from? Probably Washington DC.


A brick could be used to silence your critics. Think of it like a really thick and unchewy piece of chewing gum. 


Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.


I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself.

A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game.


Watch very closely as the magical angel and I are swallowed by the rainbow twister, and left stranded on the glitter way.

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals. 


I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit.


33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.


There’s no room for love in my life. My car trunk is already full of groceries, a spare tire, and two kidnap victims.

Yesterday I shat rainbows until my anus started bleeding from a unicorn’s horn. 
Ah, the joys of being in love.

Love is the walrus I crayon with like it’s the Eifel Tower. I know, love doesn’t make much sense to me, either.

People's lives take them strange places. They do strange things, and... well, sometimes they can't talk about them.