You can’t plan a trip to Burning Man and truly go there.

My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up.

The Law of Meetings: Few are the meeters, many are the meetees.

HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Less road rage – but also, how about less road beatitude.

Except for briefings after lunch, CIA does not practice torture.

I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!

When media distorts the truth, it's only responding in kind.

Don't touch me – I don't know where I've been.

Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.

Smile, it’s the second best thing youcan do with your lips.

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero.

A farce or comedy is best played; a tragedy is best read at home.

In cyber espionage, the cloak and the dagger are one and the same.