Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break hearts.

A double standard is a scandal. A single standard is an atrocity.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Birds don't sing after a storm, they sing before the next one.

Director’s cut? Let’s hope it’s a major artery.

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

Secret 2791716. You can only scandalize people on their own terms.

The only way to get the ending you want is to write your own story.

Secret 5.56.45. The scar confirms the beauty, the beauty the scar.

OK, maybe one iota, or two iotas at most, but definitely not three.

The truth is what we say it is...prove to me this desk is not a cow!

Abstain from reading comedy or other government economic statistics.

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

I support zero tolerance. But I draw the line at negative integers.