Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes.

I’m pretty sure ‘ping’ in Chinese means ‘table,’ and ‘pong’ means ‘tennis.

Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles.

Remember when the question 'Ginger or Mary Ann' had nothing to do with who would be the last surviving cast member?

Texting depersonalizes communication, rendering human interaction one dimensional. But there are downsides to texting too.

Rather than continue kicking the can down the road, let us gather up the can, and deposit it in a roadside trash receptacle.

Twas Thomas Edison did declare that waste is worse than loss yet never thought it fit to pare his first name to Tomás

In real life, espionage and sex have so little to do with one another that for all practical purposes they could be married.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were Leibnizian monadic reflections of the One Thing.

There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.

This comedy show will end.The endless streams of tears of a 79 year old woman are now enough for her to wash her swollen feet.

[T]he definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.

Going to the seaside in winter is like seeing your partner first thing in the morning. Ugly, depressing and troubled by wind.

My biggest regret as a CIA officer? The agents I didn't recruit. I just wish there'd been a hell of a lot more of them.

Comedians love people to point and laugh at them, even if they are not funny, naturists don't, no matter how funny they are.