A comedy isn’t about being funny...a comedy is about characters who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all.

It seemed harmless enough until she misplaced her "Dildo" and started calling the neighbors to ask if she could borrow one of theirs!

When preserving for posterity, use ¾ cup of sugar for each cup of item preserved, seal tightly, and store in a dry, dark place.

Motivational Secret of the Week. When the dancing starts, don't worry about what others will think of you, just get up and leave.

Freedom without discipline is chaos. Discipline without freedom is tyranny. Therefore, freedom with discipline is tyranny and chaos.

Successfully resisted a honeypot approach by Russian intelligence. One lingering concern: how did the Russians find out I like honey?

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

Sweet memories of youth. Swimming down at the swimming hole. Going fishing down at the fishing hole. Having sex down at the sex hole.

Secret 7591.42.21. Avoiding weasel words in your intelligence analysis isn't easy when your intelligence analysis is about weasels.

So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself? ~Eric Northman

X outlawed ⇒ only outlaws will X, where X ∈ {G : people who care about G aren't all that interested in set theory anyhow}.

No doubt zombie films are dumb, but I find it impressive that zombies can hold a camera relatively steady, let alone write a screenplay.

Classifications as JokesConfidential: snickersSecret: guffawsTop Secret: full belly laughsUnclassified: uproarious laughter and applause

Secret 0.59179. When an asset quits, make sure to collect their cover docs, commo hardware, and any countries they were running for you.

When you send someone a postcard and write “Wish you were here” on the back, where exactly are you saying you wish they were?