The Norman conquest forever changed English from a mix of bad German and bad Latin, to a mix of bad German, bad Latin, and bad German-Latin.

A key sociological factor underlying the prevalence of zombies as a theme in modern culture is that zombie movies are cheap as hell to make.

Sin and grace, absence and presence, tragedy and comedy, they divide the world between them and where they meet head on, the Gospel happens.

Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair: it's full of surprises, and you're constantly getting fucked.

Power exercised under the cloak of national security is odious. But power exercised under the microkini of national security is totally hot.

You know that's why mermaids swim around topless all the time, right? It's because their boobs are too big and all bras are C shells.

In an opposite universe, the iconoclast creates the icon. – Why We Couldn't Possibly Be Living in an Opposite Universe, Reason 11.9

What character with any sense of aesthetics desires a cradle-to-grave account of himself? That’s so passé, so nineteenth-century.

It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.

Secret 02.02. By skillfully employing peripheral vision, it's actually possible to gaze into an abyss without the abyss gazing into you.

Saw a headline: 'Killers Executed In Three States.' How is drawing out their executions like that not cruel and unusual punishment???

You think I'm deranged! How refreshing. Everyone here takes me so seriously, it's a wonderful change to be thought mentally deficient.

Secret 1.93. The professional intelligence officer assumes nothing. The successful professional intelligence officer assumes less than that.

My asset looked more dead than alive – which, given that he was dead, lent the scene a certain credibility. – [context classified]

I should have known that having "end of the world" sex wouldn't solve our problems. Though, it was pretty great and I highly recommend it.