I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence.

To be 'decimated' means to lose a tenth of one's population. I've lived in places where that's just a busy Saturday night.

Intelligence Forecast of the Week. Coming soon: the bloodiest film ever – nothing but close-ups of red blood cells, plasma and platelets.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

Secret 48617.0. If you’re TDY in Ottawa, the only thing worse than CSIS giving you a bad time is CSIS attempting to show you a good one.

I felt bad for the girls in my school, who flocked to prom like it was the second coming of Christ, complete with double-rainbows and unicorns.

The truth can never hurt a just cause. The cause's security team will intercept the truth long before it gets close enough to pose a threat.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

If you’re a comedian undergoing brain surgery, I assume you're not permitted to be conscious during the procedure, for your own safety.

I went in there only once, as a sane man, and I came out...well, I came out like this. But you, once you come out of there, you'll be a king!

Facebook should start publishing breakup stories. 'So and so and so and so are no longer in a relationship.' With a tombstone next to it.

The TSA confused a bottle of perfume with a hand grenade. Talk about an embarrassing mistake – everybody knows perfume is far more lethal.

Why do we assume space aliens will be less emotional than us? What if they’re more emotional? All that hugging could get old pretty quick.

Never tell a warm-up joke before giving an intelligence briefing – just start the briefing so you can get straight to the really big laughs.

Never tell a warm-up joke before giving an intelligence briefing – just start the briefing so you can get straight to the really big laughs.