Don't underestimate the power of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself to deliver peace and serenity.

To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans

Kids, don’t trust any radical under twenty-five. His cock tends to get in the way of his political vision

A true teacher does not terrorize ignorant students. A true teacher knows that it is his job to cure ignorance.

Sometimes I write "Drink Coffee" on my to do list just to feel like I've accomplish something-Status Update

It doesn't matter if you have new parts, old parts or spare parts. You can shine no matter what your made of.

I told a doctor once, "Doc, if you want to know what's inside of me, put down the x-ray and pick up my novel!

If time takes orders from man, it would have been reviewed to yesterday to correct the things that are effective.

AWESOME things come to those who focus on the positive, recognize the blessings, find the humor and never give up!

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget but a pessimist forgets to laugh.

No one has ever seen a Brink's truck delivering money into a cemetery...so enjoy your life, while you still can!

I realized I was officially a professional writer when all my plans began with "drink coffee" and ended with "take a nap.

A lot of men tend to want "models"I tell men, unless they look like a model themselves, they can't expect to land one.

I go on the presumption that everyone's full of shit until proven otherwise, and this usually serves me in good stead.

There are no guarantees in life, which is why my motto is to live intensely, love fiercely and to always have two shelties.