I get this buzz every time I'm quoted online. The ego high... yes... but also a Google Alert.

Vimes awoke with a noseful of camel. There are far worse awakenings, but not as many as you might think.

One time he killed a man who had found out that he was nephew to Von Hindenburg and second cousin to the devil

Colon looked awkward, as if the bunched underwear of the past was tangling itself in the crotch of recollection.

We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him."So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back.

I stepped away from the car preparing my own smile because you catch more flies with honey than you do with shit.

A good plot should have a strong middle and a spectacular end. But under no circumstances should it have a beginning.

You should treat the trivial things in life seriously and the serious things in life with a sincere and studied triviality

Adrian Mole's diaryEasterPoor Jesus, it must have been dead awful for him. I wouldn't have the guts to do it myself.

Dad's romances could last anywhere between a platypus egg incubation (19-21 days) and a squirrel pregnancy (24-45 days).

...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.

I would like to tell you that I wrote my book to push back artistic boundaries. But I didn't. I wrote it to impress a girl.

She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.

Honestly I don't know why i have these parties""Because of your cat""That's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort

...they say [Finn] has tasted the Nuts of Wisdom." Elatha laughed. "Perhaps the Nuts of Wisdom will gird him against your sister.