Oi, stop looking at my nethers. Be a gentleman, look away. When a gal’s in a predicament you should ‘elp ‘er out

Writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for the money - Virginia Woolf

How do you spell 'contravention'?" said Carrot, turning over a page."I don't," said Nobby, pushing through the crowds.

I believe in the 20/80 rule. That's where working an extra 20% faster, harder, or smarter gets you an extra 80% of the rewards.

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before then...

The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun.

Lawn looked down at his patient. "In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they're standing on one and being soaked by the other.

Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.

Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes "Sorry, we only take cash or credit." So there's that.

The circus is the perfect business right now because parents want their kids to be kids and not Charley Bucket drinking cabbage soup all day.

Mrs. Joe was a very clean housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself.

I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.

That's part of your curse. To drive men mad with desire and feel no pleasure"."Great," I muttered. "And all this time I thought I was frigid.