Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub?

Underwater nobody can dance. Let this be a lesson in basket weaving. And love.

I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover.

Your pants didn't get smaller, Mommy," I assured her. "Your butt got bigger.

Love dances in my heart like a nudist in socks. Boy, that jig is awfully jiggly.

A bear trap eats, but does not drink. My love, however, drinks, but does not eat.

Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it.

We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff.

When people say there is no place like home, the first to agree are the homeless.

To their eyes, I was love. To their ears, I was truth. To their noses, I was anus.

We made love sweet and gentle, like strawberry jelly. Peanut butter makes me horny.

I think I found the love of my life. Boy, I’m glad I cleaned out my fish tank.

Two decaying racehorse carcasses would make a great bathtub. I’m a fast lover.

Motorcycle helmets are bottomless. Strippers are topless. And my love is middleless.

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.