If you're strange enough, people won't notice you're kind and will leave you alone.

A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. 


Women love a man in uniform. You should see them drool when I dress up in my Girl Scout outfit.

A brick, in the hands of a Mason, could be used to cover up and hide a secret handshake.


A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together.


A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket.


A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac.


But please remember: this is only a work of fiction. The truth, as always, will be far stranger.

A brick and a blanket represent two lovers who can never be together. I simply forbid it!


I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

We made love in the restaurant booth. It was romantic until our waiter knocked on our windshield.

In my dreams, my spare penis was decomposing in my closet, and to me it was a symbol of our love.

So I started shoveling Bob's driveway, which is a strange thing to do at a New Years Eve Party

I once tried to shave my mustache off with a toothbrush. Just one example of my skills as a lover.