A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. 


I saw her from across the room, and I knew I was in love. I also knew why I’d seen no urinals, as I was clearly in the wrong bathroom.

A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.


A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my shoe as a soup bowl?


A brick could be used to replace a flat tire. After all, you want to replace like with like, and what’s more flat than a brick?


If I can scoop soup at 20 MPH while riding a three-legged horse, just imagine how great of a lover I am when I’m lying perfectly still.

If you come by my place, you might see a wheelbarrow full of broken bricks. I broke them with my fist. I was practicing for your face.


A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all over the carpet. 


Since my love is so foggy, I could never date a woman named Misty. Or Steve, because that's my dad's name, and that'd be strange.

People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz


I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.

A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!


A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get out of there immediately.


A few years ago I dropped off the face of the earth. Then I came back the next day to pick it up. Unfortunately, it was stained red with love.

My routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used to replace my routine, because a comforter is a blanket.