Bricks could be used as breast implants. Lady Squaretits is really particular about the shape of her boobs.


A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.


A brick could be used to deny you your dreams. And a blanket could be used as a gateway to all your dreams. 


A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?


Cats are living, breathing blankets. But a blanket, no matter how furry, cannot be used like a purrless cat.


A brick could be used as a paperweight, if the words you wrote weren’t weighty enough to hold it down.


A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.


A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!


Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink.

A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why I get so cold at night.


My face is pizza-shaped, and my acne in high school was like pepperoni. Thank God it was carry out and not delivery.

A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants


A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it on fire. 


A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you can bet an earthquake occurred.


A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times.