Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.


I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love.

Our love was soggy, like the biscuits I forgot to take out of the bathtub.

My love is in the shape of a car, and when it hits you you’ll notice.

Just as soon as I arrive I want to leave. Especially when I’m in love.

I keep my love for her in the ashtray, along with the other stuff she burnt.

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.

The Nile is famous for overflowing like my love. How fertile is your valley?

The "silly" question is the first intimation of some totally new development

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

Can I ask you something personal?”Six inches but I tell everyone eight.

I’ll write The Art Of Love, which will be tactical, like The Art Of War.

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.