You can’t make silly people stay away from you; all you can do is staying away from them.

Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.

We made love in the restaurant booth. It was romantic until our waiter knocked on our windshield.

In my dreams, my spare penis was decomposing in my closet, and to me it was a symbol of our love.

I sing like a flower, and I dance like a tree. Let us make love like an overflowing cup of coffee.

I drink coffee like other men paint pictures of naked women. I do it because I love the full body.

I once tried to shave my mustache off with a toothbrush. Just one example of my skills as a lover.

I'm an elephant today. I will need to have lots of room and also a bowl of water on the floor.

Anyone else find it funny that Bernie Madoff's last name is a homophone of 'made-off'?

When love knocked at my door, I prayed to God and thanked Him for letting me live in a Porta-potty.

I took some of the price off, and she took some of her clothes off. She made love and I made money.

He actually caught himself saying things like "Yippee," as he pranced ridiculously round the house.

The remote isn’t broke—it just needs batteries. Well, it’s the same with my love.

Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.

We made love like steam meets mist. My memory is foggy, but I know I inhaled her essence like smoke.