A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.


The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.

A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall. 


A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.


A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.


If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a better fire fighter than I’m not right now.

A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand?


A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.


A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because I’m shivering.


A blanket, as the epitome of warmth, could be used to stop colds. Also, sex with me might be the surest way to prevent a cold.


Through my quick action, I was able to capture her mannerism and store it in a jar. It looks like mayonnaise, but it tastes like love.

My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him.

My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.

A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina.


A brick could be used to help define your rigid beliefs. I put my beliefs to bed, along with the hooker I rented for the night.