I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Yawn. String-on-a-stick. Fine. I'll come out and chase itto make you happy.

If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.

'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?

A meow’s a sound I want to look at. And after I see it, I want to pet it.

A bad reputation will dog you for years. A good reputation will cat you.


We may have pets, but when it comes to unconditional love, they are the masters.

... there are things that outweigh comfort, unless one is an old woman or a cat.

Sleeping, it’s what cats do best. It’s why they are my heroes.


Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

A cat is friendly in a hollow sort of way, like the way a prostitute is friendly.

If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.

Indeed, there is nothing on this earth more peaceful than a sleeping, purring cat.

You can call me Dances With Cats. I’m like Dances With Wolves, only meowier.