A sober heart conceals, what a drunken mouth reveals, or in your case, a drunken body and lips.

Seth discovered that night that he had two extra stomachs; one for vodka and one for overeating.

I found that old Solomon proved it fair, That a big-belly'd bottle's a cure for all care.

I can always say no to a bottle of booze, but only after saying yes to the alcohol inside.


Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

My alarm went off. My sleep went on. Dreaming about coffee is not the same as drinking down coffee.

It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

You know, that's the trouble with drinking. Come the morning, you can never remember their names.

My professional life had started and here I was at a professional dinner full of uninhibited drinking.

If you ever know a man who tries to drown his sorrows, kindly inform him his sorrows know how to swim.

Nothing is more fun than fucking and drinking, I don’t know what is your God offering in heaven.

I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

I'm more than a few neurons shy of a synapse right now, and it feels absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.